lets · fall · in · love

Mike and I had this long conversation and we basically figured out the only reasons why we cant be together is because what were labeled is too different even though we like eachother somethings not there and for me it's the physical attraction. I just want to prove to myself that even if the boy is clean cut and not my type I can look past their looks and right now i'm failing misserably....

my lifes a mess
i had a crush on my best guy friend...until we kissed
then that fell through
i have a boyfriend thats hella sweet
but my feelings are still cut off
im still getting over my "first love"
fuck i like it better now then i did getting hurt every other day
i dont know what im complaining about
</3

last night::
//went to dinner with the family and jess
my fag bro kept telling me sam thought i was hot
//went home...jammi and adam picked us up
went to the rockville cemetary
got hecka scared because of adam
//then we left and drove to barnes and nobles and looked at haunted places around the bay area
we decided every weekend were gonna visit one of them
sounds funnnnn

last nite was pretty laid back. me, jammi and justin went over to chris' because it was justins birthday. got drunk. laid there and just basically watched tv because i've been really tired lately. jammi called tim and told him to come over but he didnt talk to me at all anyways. everyone keeps telling me how he's always talking about how pretty i am and all this shit but he wont talk to me. it's gay but whatever. jammi ended up walking home and i got a ride from hoodie and had a conversation with him basically about school and how i just need to get in the right mindset.
this morning sucked...
//woke up to jammi calling me a bijillion times<33...had the worst hangover
//went to one period and left
//hungout at stevens
//came home and slept for like 3 hours
//i'm just going to get a doctors note from jammis tonight for today because i'm on dicks contract and im fucking up

it hurts so much more when you know theres nothing you can do to get what you had back. It hurts to think you use to actually care. what did i do to change your mind about me so much?

i'm confused with who to go with
i dont trust him all that much
but
the other guy is always grounded
whenever im like trying to pull out of the dating crap
all these crushes come out
this shits gay

drama drama drama
all my lifes about right now
jammi doesnt want jess to be around me...i think
jess doesnt want me to be around jammi
i feel like a kid whose parents are divorced and im stuck in the middle

i've been drunk everyday this week
and havent been home since monday...
i guess i ran away?
i need to go back before christmas though

he makes me get butterflies
everytime im with him time flys by
but whenever he's gone i feel stupid for liking him
this time it's not another shallow crush
theres more meaning behind it

I keep having drunk sessions where i guess i go on and on about andrew
theres not feelings there anymore
but maybe it's just how i REALLY feel
maybe i'm lying to myself to make myself move on
i dont know why i fell so hard for that fool =/

maybe we could talk this over
Cause I could be your best bet
Let alone your worst ex

about to go get drunk with jack, adam, jammi and jess
yesss <3
got put on contract
looking for a job
parents are fag faces
blah